My Journey to Home (Part 1)

I’m not even sure how to put all of this into words. How much this trip meant to me. I feel like I’ve been searching for home all my life. I’m currently living in my 30th abode, if you will, and finally beginning to allow myself to consider this may be the best place for me, but I haven’t let myself fully commit to this area as my final stop. I never expected this to be my final stop honestly and I fought it for a very long time. I honestly don’t even know how to define final stop. What is home? What does it mean? Over the years, I’ve developed community, formed deeper bonds with the friends I had before I left, and made new friends after coming back. When you move around so much you always kind of expect that you’ll never settle down. The best way I can describe this is; you know how when you’ve been in a car ride for too long? You’ve pushed yourself to just make those last couple of hours so you can get back to your own bed. Once you’re in bed, you are starting to fall asleep but it feels like you’re still in the car moving? That’s how I feel about my life. I’m comfortable, safe, and warm, and yet I’m still moving. Still feeling like I’m not actually in the place I’m meant to be. I hope that makes sense.

When I decided to make the trip West to Wisconsin I initially thought it was for my high school reunion. Twenty-five years ago we graduated, parted ways with childhood friends, with dreams and ambitions so naively fantastic that the world be damned! Nothing was going to stop us. Only for me the unexpected happened. My parents told me I was going to be moving away in two weeks and I had no say in the matter. Moving to Michigan to live with my Aunt; not spending the summer with my BFF. Not swimming in pools or tubing down the river. Not being carefree. Nope I was to get a job and work because surprise! There is no money for college! Welcome to the real world kid. I still remember how heart broken I was watching what I thought was going to be my home, forever to return to, get smaller out the rear window until it was nothing but interstates surrounded by other families headed in the same direction. I wouldn’t return to live there for another thirteen years. My parents did join me in Michigan briefly until I joined the military, because again, no money for college and part time in retail wasn’t cutting it. They did end up moving back to Wisconsin but I only visited for max a few days at a time.

As I made my way through the world traveling, working, living I always felt a pull to the Midwest. Does that make it home? Can I have two places that I love be home? So much happened during my time away. So much heartache, tragedy, joy, and growth. When you’re constantly moving it’s hard to address all those emotions so you just push them deeper into the abyss where you don’t have to deal with them. Once you do finally settle, its like they know the water is calm so they rise up to the surface, but they’re heavy so they also want to drag you down and it feels like you’re drowning. Thank God for my therapist. Over the past few years she has allowed me to show myself how strong I am to use the resources available to me to slowly cut the weight and be able to float again. Going back to Wisconsin where there were so many painful memories was going to be difficult, but so fucking worth it. It started out as a fun “let’s go to the reunion” trip and I had no idea what that actually meant, until weeks later when I was processing everything that happened.

Now that you have a brief, somewhat heavy intro to the story, let’s get on with it, shall we?

I left training around mid day and began Day 1 of the trip. Head to SouthWest Michigan, see the lake for the first time in years, try to find a good place to eat and stay on a quiet farm for the night. My AirBNB host was very helpful in recommending great places to eat. First stop Silver Beach Pizza. Oh my goodness, that was such a good place to eat! I got there fairly close to when the opened and glad I did because there was a very long line when I left. I ordered the The David’s, but added cheese, and had my favorite appetizer lately, the Frickles! The service was great, the food even better! After eating I decided to head to Tiscornia Park to have a wander.

Tiscornia Park is so pretty! The dunes are small but spectacular, the water clear, and two lighthouses to walk out to! I let my feet sink into the sand while breathing in the fresh air, listened to the gulls, and let the sun warm soak into my skin. As I was wandering out to the lighthouses I realized that avoiding goose poop should be an Olympic sport because, my god, it was everywhere. I stayed for a while watching sail boat after sailboat leave for their sunset cruise before deciding to head over to where I was staying for the night.

The AirBnb that I chose was cheaper than normal and I understand now why it was that way. I will not be linking it because I do not recommend it. It was simple but old, and there where a couple hairs and stains on the sheets that did not fill me with comfort or joy. I will say it met the basic needs of any traveler. It was shelter, there was food and running (well) water. It was insanely peaceful and quiet and away from the road and main house so it felt private. I slept better than I thought I would but I did leave as early as I could.

The host recommended a place for donuts and if you know me at all, I’m always on the hunt for the world’s best donut. Red Coach in Stevensville, MI is awesome and did not disappoint. I hope you are able to check it out if you’re ever in the area! Immediately when I walked in I could tell it was the local fave. The gang of retirees were already there at their unofficially reserved tables. The owner was greeting everyone like they had grown up with them, and to be fair it kinda felt like everyone did grow up with each other. There were classic and unique flavors, so I made my selections and got an iced coffee to accompany them. They were delicious and made the drive through and around Chicago a lot easier. Taking a boat tour through the Wisconsin Dells was next on the itinerary and it would end up being the perfect way to be welcomed back to Wisconsin.

Until next time,
Sarah